I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
