OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
