I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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