Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
