sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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