I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
