they said they heard you say put it in my butt
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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