all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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