Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
