i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
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