i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
