Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
