You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
