no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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