i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
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