The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
