My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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