don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
