currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need a beard to bite.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
