i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
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