He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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