You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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