My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
