I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
