You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
