I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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