somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
