Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
