I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
