he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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