we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
