I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
