she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
