I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
