the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
