I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
