For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
