Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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