Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
