I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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