): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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