You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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