Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
