John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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