I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
