Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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