Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Randomize
