if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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