my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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