She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
