We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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