just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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