I hate your face
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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