i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Someone shit on the floor
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
